We’ve all heard the story, watched the movie, or experienced it directly before:
Alex dates Annie for a long time. Alex and Annie break up. Annie then finds a new beau very quickly, causing Alex to question his sanity and wonder “what in the actual hell”…the woes of a REBOUND RELATIONSHIP.
A rebound occurs when a relationship has ended and the rebounder chooses to fill a void shorty after the relationship’s end by being with another person in some capacity. The recipe for a rebound relationship is ultimately a mixture of confusion, sadness, impulsivity, and regret. At its core, a rebound is really just distraction from a healing heart.
If you’re the ex of a rebounder, you’re likely asking yourself the following:
1.) Is my ex in a rebound relationship?
2.) Is my ex in love?
3.) Does my ex even care about how much the rebound affects me?
Let’s tackle the first question upfront. How do you know if your ex is in a rebound relationship? The question is simple but may be hard to answer. Is your ex ready to open their heart to someone new? If the answer is no, then they’re filling a void and it’s a rebound.
Now with respect to the second and third questions, I propose that you’re thinking about it the wrong way. Instead of obsessing over the fact that your ex is in a rebound relationship, think instead about the massive impact you left forcing your ex to fill the void so quickly! Of course it hurts, but when you allow for such a paradigm shift, you can begin to appreciate the magnitude of your absence. You have more power than you realize!
So what do you do if your ex is in a rebound relationship? Thankfully the answer to this question really is simple. You work on yourself. You’re the person who attracted your ex in the first place. It’s possible you lost that original self. Maybe you placed their needs above yours. Maybe you became a person you no longer recognize or like. Now your mission is to start working on YOU so that others (including your ex) will see you as the person you really are. You need to make an effort on yourself. Self-help is an uphill battle, but time spent on oneself is never time poorly spent.
Remember: A rebound relationship is all about making one feel better; it’s based on what is received and not what is given. A real relationship requires a heart open to both giving and receiving.
Dr. Laura is the newest addition to The Love Chat team and will be writing our blog.