The "No Contact" Rule
BLOG POST #3:
Based on LC Episode 2 (What exactly is no contact?)
LINK LC Episode 37 (Why does no contact work?)
The No Contact Rule
It sounds simple on the surface but definitively may be one of the hardest rules to follow…especially if you’re heartbroken. If you’ve recently broken up, I’ll bet you find the No Contact Rule to be daunting, if not seemingly impossible. In this blog I aim to show you the No Contact Rule is actually one of the most effective ways to 1) become the best version of yourself AND 2) insure the potential for a rekindled, healthy relationship. Let’s start by clearing up some confusion about the “rule” itself.
So what is the No Contact Rule? Broken down in basic terms, the No Contact Rule is defined as the period of time after a breakup during which you don’t contact your ex. This equates to “radio silence” on all platforms, including social media. Required arrangements are determined and made if needed (ie, pets, children, their /your stuff), and then you walk out the door with the plan to never speak to them again. Sayonara, hasta la vista!
By walking away and meaning it, you’re effectively showing your ex that you have the courage and the mental will power to employ No Contact. Initially your absence may have no significant impact, but then eventually they’ll start to wonder…why haven’t I heard from them? Maybe they’re expecting you to beg and cry for their return. Maybe they’re envisioning you so heartbroken you can’t function. So imagine the mental “what the hell” when they don’t hear from you? You’re effectively throwing them off their game, turning the tables. In doing so, they may even start to wonder if they did the “right thing” in the first place…and therein lies the potential groundwork for a rekindled romance.
Here’s an important question I’d like you to answer. If time were to freeze at this very moment and you had to live with the current version of yourself forever, would you be happy? Chances are very high your answer = NO. Then why not do something about it? What better time then now? During a period of No Contact, I encourage and empower you to improve yourself. Become a healthier, stronger, mentally stable, and emotionally ready YOU. Start exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, eating healthy meals, spending time with friends and family, etc. You need to make an effort on yourself. Focus inward.
Just in case you’re tempted to contact your ex during No Contact, make sure you have a backup plan in place. Identify a friend you can call when you have the urge to dial their number. Play a video game. Go for a run or walk. Write in a journal. Make a nice dinner. Whatever the plan is, avoid the urge to undo all the hard work you’ve done to date.
Remember: In contacting your ex again, you give them back all the power. They can’t begin to miss you if you’re still there. If they eventually do come back, they’ll find a better version of you. If they don’t come back, you’ll still be that better version of yourself. It’s ultimately a win-win.
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Dr. Laura is the newest addition to The Love Chat team and will be writing our blog.